One thing that I have learned since ten years ago is that I don’t know how to soothe a sick person.
I remember I learned how to use a stethoscope and tensimeter when I was still in sixth grade at elementary. I learned how to wrap the wound from the amputated foot with bandages. I could do the cleaning without feeling disgusted. But for all I know, I don’t know how to calm someone down. Even when I know there’s something in themselves that needs to be healed, but it doesn’t mean I can do anything about that. Maybe at moments like those, I’m just like a deer caught in the headlights.
Because of that, my friends often say that I’m too rational or using too much logic. Is there a thing like that? I don’t know. For me, if you can’t take care of yourself, body and mind, yes you are going to get sick. If you are sick (because you can’t always avoid things like these), then take the right medicine or go to the right doctor. Do what you can. If you think about things that you can’t do, that’s where worrying arises. But yeah, we all do that, at times. Making wrong decisions for our own life, consciously or unconsciously.
But maybe it’s not that simple.
These past weeks, mom is struggling with insomnia. Uhm, I know it’s common for people to have disturbed sleep, but it’s getting worse for her, I guess. She keeps saying that there’s something wrong with her mind which bothering her at night.
Her condition is okay if I could say so. Her doctor says nothing to worry about physically as well. Her blood pressure is usually high, and she had taken the HBP medical pills for years, but it’s alright. Her cholesterol level, her sugar level, all is well. But yeah, I would agree that she’s the type that worries too much. Maybe it’s the aging years. Maybe this pandemic is taking its toll on her. I don’t know.
Last Sunday, we took her to the beach, we ate some rujak, her favorite. It was raining and we spent only 3 hours or less, mostly in the car. Actually, the short trip helped. She slept well for maybe two days.
Then when yesterday she brought up about her inability to sleep again, we knew we must make a decision soon. So, this afternoon me and my brother took her to the only psychiatrist (I guess) that we know in our little hometown. He’s recommended by all the elders with sleep difficulty and also something that’s bothering in mind, they say. He gave her a medical prescription contains medicines. The medical consultation didn’t take too long. Maybe he already recognized mom’s medical needs. He also gave us his name card with his number on it. We made an appointment for a follow-up next week. By then I realize that awareness of one’s health, physically and mentally, is really valuable. Also, the ability to afford some medical care is a privilege as well. Yeah, I think about that, because I don’t want to think about anything else.
I know pretty much that this is mom’s weakness. She worries. A lot. About anything going on with the world. Maybe because she cares too much. But worrying won’t get you anywhere. It won’t do anyone any good.
That’s also the reason I don’t want to tell her about everything that’s going on in my life. She only needs to know that I’m always fine. Even I didn’t tell her that I broke up with my ex. She guessed it right 2-3 months after that. Of course she would know that. She’s a mother. She cares as well as she worries, though she knows I never like to talk about my problems. I can handle all of them, Mom. Don’t you ever worry about me.
So what to say anymore? It’s raining here right now. And I just hope she would be okay. Really.
Here the story goes 